The Mad man and A Pilot

A pilot was transporting a group of mad men from Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Bombay,India

The mad men were making noise. So, one of them went to the Pilot's Cabin;

MADMAN: Teach me how to fly an airplane! 

PILOT:ok I would, but under

one condition.

MADMAN: What is the condition?

PILOT: If you can make

your colleagues there to keep quiet and stop the noise

MADMAN : ok you will have to give me some minutes (5 minutes later, the plane was very quiet as he returned to the pilot)

PILOT: Wow!! How did you

make them to keep quiet right now, you are wonderful.

MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to go play outside!!!

Lolz..if you were the pilot,what would you do

Share this if you laughed or like it if you grinned#

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GrandPa and Son Theo

Grandpa said to His son Theo: Theo! There comes your teacher because you missed school yesterday and today, go n hide.
Theo said: I took an excuse that you died, so you go and hide inside papa.

lolzzz........when Theo came to school the next day and told me this,i couldn't help but to laugh out loud

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The Doctor And His Patient

Old-woman: " Pls Doctor, Ever since you carried out my heart transplant, all am beginning to think of is just about Sex, Money & more Sex! Could it be that I am getting younger again or something??"

Doctor: "Not really, actually the heart belonged to a Prostitute and that's the only heart that remained then.....lolzzz

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The Pencil and Eraser Conversation

Pencil: Pls I'm very sorry

Eraser: Why? You didn't do anything wrong to me dear

Pencil: I am so sorry because you get hurt because of my behavior.

Whenever I make a mistake, you are always there to erase it completely. But as you make my mistakes disappear, you lose a part of yourself. You depreciate everytime and evrytime.

Eraser: This is true but I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

This conversation between the pencil and the eraser is very inspirational to me but i dont know about you.
Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way, they get hurt, and become smaller / older, and eventually pass on. Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad. Some people in all their lives ve been the pencil and it pains them to see the eraser that is their parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For they know that one day, all that they are left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what they used to have. 

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Be Inspired

 Someone wrote,

 My mom only had one eye. I hated her. She was such
an embarrassment. She cooked for students and
teachers to support the family. There was this day during elementary school where
my mom came to say hello to me, I was so
embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored
her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said,
‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’ I wanted to bury
myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, "If you’re only
gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just
die? " My mom did not respond. I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I
had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to
her feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have
nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to
study. Then, I got married. I boughta house of my own.
I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life,my
kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t
seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her
grandchildren. When she stood by the door, my
children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming
over uninvited. I screamed at her, "How dare you
come to my house and scare my children! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I’m so
sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she
disappeared out of sight. One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to
my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a
business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack
just out of curiosity. My neighbors said that she died. I
did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to
have. It Reads:- "My dearest son, I think of you all the
time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared
your children. I was so glad when I heard you were
coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even
get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were
growing up. You see, when you were very little, you
got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I
couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with
one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son
who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. With all my love to you. Your mother." The son burst into tears, but it was too late.

MORAL LESSON:
Never neglect your MOM, Because she is a blessing. One
day you will cry when she will be gone. Shower her
with kindness.

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Theo and Annita

A teacher asked her class! what they want  to be
when they grow up
Theo: I want to be a billionaire, have the cutest wife,
make love to her 3 times a day, fly her in my private
jet to Milan for shopping, take her on monthly trips to diff places around the world. Make her my sex patner.
The teacher ignores Theo for his bad behaviour and
asked little Annita what she wants to be in̶̲̥̅̊ future.
Little Annita quietly whispered: I want to be Theo's wife!  lolz,i think Annita has a better dream too

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Very Alarming.....Over 56,350 people are currently living with HIV in Cross River – SACA

This is very alarming and special attention needs to be paid by young people mostly cos they consider themselves to be more vibrant and active in all works and games that involve sex and any other means one can contract disease. Guys and girls should be smart enough to protect and prevent the prevalance rate of HIV in our country.
The Director-General of the Cross River State Agency
for the Control of HIV/AIDS (SACA), Mrs. Irene
Aniyom, said that 56,350 persons are
currently living with the HIV virus in the state. Anyiom, who disclosed this while speaking with
reporters in Calabar, the state capital said "Today in
the state, we have 56,350 people living with the virus;
we have to update it on a regular basis since 2005". According to her, the infected persons are receiving
anti-retroviral drugs at different centres in the state. She said that SACA had formed a group known as
"Cross River Network of People Living with HIV/
AIDS,'' to monitor the infected persons. "And in this network, we have 80 support groups of
people living with the virus, with a minimum of 25
persons in each group,'' she said. Aniyom said that many people were now aware of
the diseases, due to the activities of SACA and other
groups involved in the campaign against the spread of
the disease. "If you go to various HIV testing and counselling
centres across the state, you will find many people
coming out to know their status,'' she said. The Girector-General said that SACA had also
established Local Action Committees on Control of
HIV/AIDS (LACA) in each of the 18 Local Government
Areas in the state, headed by the chairmen of the
councils. "This is because we found out that the disease spreads
faster in rural areas, '' Aniyom said.#

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Usher's ex-wife Tameka LOSES custody of their children

Usher's ex-wife Tameka Raymond suffered fresh heartache today - after losing the custody battle over their two sons.

The 33-year-old singer was awarded primary care of four-year-old Usher Raymond V and Naviyd, three, after a ruling by Georgia judge, TMZ reports.

It comes just weeks after Tameka's 11-year-old son Kile - from a previous relationship - tragically died following a freak jet ski accident last month.

 Court battle: Usher was today awarded primary custody of his two sons from his marriage to Tameka Raymond.

The former couple were both giving evidence last week, with Tameka trying to prevent the singer from taking sole custody of their two young sons, while closing arguments were also delivered. It was a messy battle which saw Tameka accuse Usher of being an absent father - while he branded her a bad mother who was unable to bond with their children. Their two sons will no spend most of their time with their father - while it is unclear how much access Tameka will get to her boys.

Main parent: Usher Raymond V and Naviyd, three, will now spend most of their time with their father . Usher and Tameka previously had a co-parenting agreement in place.

According to Fox Atlanta, an attorney representing the vocalist said at an earlier hearing: 'We believe the evidence is that Ms Raymond is incapable of being a proper parent to these children. The ruling comes after Tameka's son Kile, 11, from a previous relationship, tragically died last month. 'That she does not have the emotional stability or capacity to bond with them, and therefore she is handicapped.'

However the 41-year-old stylist's attorney Lisa West told the court the pop star is on the road all the time, and cannot rely on the 'village' of his mother, grandmother and aunt, who all attended, to keep the children.

She added that he does not have a good relationship with his mother, and said Tameka is determined to fight for custody. The two divorced in 2009 and both sides admitted the current co-parenting arrangement is not working.

They have been attending Fulton County for various hearings over the past several months, with both giving testimony.

Usher, whose surname is Raymond, told the court on Monday last week that he tries to focus on his children when they are with him, but sometimes he has to juggle other commitments. According to the The Atlanta Journal-Constitution he said: 'I try to do all of my work when I don't have the children, but there may be times when there's an obligation of something that comes up.'

Culled from Daily Mail

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Octomom Told Her Kids About Her Porn Career

This is unbelievable and cannot not happen in Nigeria once the career is considered obscene to mention but here it happens as Octomom Told Kids About Porn Career....

Octomom , Nadya Suleman, has revealed that her kids know about her porn movies. Incredible!

The 37 year old says that her children have been
'desensitivised' (we think she means desensitized) and
that she raises them in 'total honest,' during an
interview with CelebBuzz. ' It's because we have been through things together
and because of our experience it has allowed all of use
to pull out strengths we didn't know we possessed,'
she is reported to have said. Recently Suleman filmed a self-pleasure video in
answer to bankruptcy problems. She also has started a
stripper career in order to keep her family together. ' I had planned to go back to school and finish my
masters. I had make money quick because I had 14
mouths to feed, ' but thanks to porn she says her
family is in a much better place. Suleman has also premiered a new single during the
interview, entitled 'Sex Party.'

Adapted from celecbessence.com

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Italian arrested over murder of Nigerian prostitute

 

An Italian man has been arrested over the murder of Anthonia Egbuna, a Nigerian prostitute, after police searching her apartment found a short story he wrote with close similarities to the killing.

The Carabinieri (Italian Military Police) disclosed that Anthonia was stabbed and her body was dumped in the river Po. It took some months for the police to identify the corpse and thereafter, her apartment was visited. While going through her possesions, a nine-page story, titled 'The Rose and the Lion', was found among her belongings.

The murder case is reminiscent of the 1992 Hollywood thriller movie Basic Instinct, and aspiring author, Daniele Piampaschet, was arrested last week because of similarities between his short story and the real murder, the police said.

After finding 34-year-old Piampaschet's short story, police say they discovered he had been in a relationship with Anthonia, who was then 19 years old, between February and August of 2011.

They alleged in a statement that he murdered her in November because their relationship was going badly and she refused to give up prostitution, which appeared to be the connection between the story.

An excerpt of the story reads thus: "He loved her and he loved her more every day, but she did not want to leave the streets. All his efforts to convince her to change her life had failed. And for this reason she had become his torturer."

In the short story, the murderer strangles the Nigerian prostitute and then commits suicide. "He wrote the story and gave it to her as a gift -- to make himself look good," says Piampaschet's lawyer, Stefano Tizzani.

Tizzani said Piampaschet had a "profound passion" for Africa and Nigeria, and saw Anthonia as an inspiration for his writing. "My client has declared his innocence and we are working to demonstrate it," Tizzani said.

While denying the murder, Piampaschet told investigators after his arrest that his relationship with Anthonia changed after he started dating another Nigerian woman last August, though he remained in contact with her.

His lawyer said his client stopped seeing Egbuna after he was threatened by people who control the Nigerian prostitution business in Turin. "He stopped calling her after he was threatened and intimidated and told not to see her anymore," said Tizzani.

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2 Students committed suicide because they failed WAEC

The recently released results by the West African Examination Council (WAEC) have claimed lives in Delta State. Two female students who failed their exams yesterday allegedly committed suicide in Asaba, the state capital.

Reports said the students committed suicide after checking their result in the internet and discovered that it was unfavourable to them.

Sources said the victims had written the exams three times without passing their Maths and English Language, which led them to allegedly resolve to commit suicide. Some persons who spoke to our correspondent on condition of anonymity confirmed that the students had struggled to gain admission into the University in the last few years without success.

Police sources at the "B" Division Asaba said the students were allegedly found dead in their various rooms after a search party that was conducted.

Culled from Today's Gist

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TONTO DIKEH REVEALS HOW TB JOSHUA’S PRAYERS ENDED HER 14 YEAR SMOKING ADDICTION

Popular Nollywood actress Tonto Dikeh has sensationally revealed that the sudden end to her smoking addiction came through the prayers of Pastor T.B. Joshua via his Christian station Emmanuel TV.

Dikeh, who rose to fame after becoming the runner up in the Nigerian reality show, 'The Next Movie Star' in 2006, had garnered a controversial reputation in Nollywood for being a heavy smoker.

According to Dikeh, she started chain-smoking at the age of 13 and there seemed no signs of the habit waning. When questioned about her smoking in an interview with Nigeria's Nation Newspaper early last year, the Rivers State born star said, "If I want to smoke, I handle a stick of cigarette and I smoke it hard. It is my life I can decide to smoke myself to hell. It's nobody's business."

The habit recently led to a serious clash between her and Ghanaian actor Van Vicker when he bitterly complained at her smoking on set, culminating in a heavy exchange of words. When probed in September 2011 about the health implications of her habit, the care-free actress retorted, "My smoking habit doesn't affect your life in anyway. If I die tomorrow, you're not going to bury me. My father has the money to bury me. So, why are they talking about it?"

However, there was a sudden twist in the tale in May 2012 when, seemingly out of the blue, Tonto tweeted to her over 80,000 followers on Twitter, 'I've good news for those who wish me well. Its silly good news but ya'll going to love this. I quit smoking!' Although the announcement was met with almost unanimous approval from her fans, speculation was rife as to what caused her sudden decision, many doubting whether it would actually last. But in an online article published this week, the sultry actress shed light on the spiritual element to her quitting in an interview with Nigerian entertainment magazine, 'E24-7'.

"I didn't quit smoking by myself," she explained to Biodun Kupoluyi. "I was watching a program on TV with Prophet T.B. Joshua and he was laying hands on people and praying for them. I love to watch his programs on Emmanuel TV. When he was praying, he said, 'Lay your hands on the TV' and I just laid my hands that day. I actually needed something else from God, not to quit smoking because I loved smoking! However, after praying I sat back and I think I slept off."

After a short nap, Tonto awoke and attempted to smoke as usual. However, according to her, something inexplicably supernatural had happened. "When I woke up, I took a stick of cigarette and I felt crazy. I couldn't even imagine that I took it up to smoke in the first place. It felt like poison!" An addiction of 14 years was ended through a simple prayer on television. Three months down the line, Dikeh has remained clean from smoking.

Judging by online reaction to Tonto's revelation, it appears her experience is not an isolated one. Many viewers of Joshua's Emmanuel TV testified to similar experiences, including Lovemore Chibvongodze from United Kingdom who told the official T.B. Joshua Ministries Facebook Page, followed by close to 300,000 people, how his 34 year addiction to smoking and drinking alcohol ended through prayers on Emmanuel TV.

Joshua, who was recently adjudged by Paris-based magazine, 'The Africa Report' to be among the 50 most influential Africans, is growing increasingly popular across Africa largely due to the increase in awareness of and intrigue in Emmanuel TV.

Speaking on T.B. Joshua's positive influence in her life, Tonto said, "I watch him every day, I write to him every time I can, I tweet on him. I think that he is a person that influences my life positively in a lot of ways just through the TV alone... I am following him because I think he is following Jesus. I just love him because he is a man of God and he has specially affected my life and my friends too."

Culled from Today's Gist

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Anambra Varsity denies Cynthia’s Murder Suspect

 

One of the suspects behind the murder of Cynthia Osokogu's , who claimed to be an Accountancy student of the Anambra State University, Uli, has been disowned by the institution.

Cynthia, a post-graduate student of Nasarawa State University, Keffi, and daughter of retired Maj.-Gen. Frank Osokogu, was allegedly killed by Okwuoma Nwabufo and his cousin, Odera Ilechukwu, on July 21.

The suspects had said that they were both Accounting students of University of Lagos and Anambra State University respectively.

However, the Public Relations Officer of Anambra State University, Uli, Mr Festus Ntomchukwu, in a chat with pressmen in Awka, denied Ilechukwu claims.

He said "such a character cannot be a student of the institution.

"The school is still in session, and if truly the suspect is a student of the university as he claimed, he will not be out in Lagos when the institution is seriously preparing for examinations," Ntomchukwu said.

He further maintained that the school of management sciences where accounting department fell into was currently holding an international conference, in which every student was expected to attend, and in their uniform.

"For such a character to have been away in Lagos when the school is preparing for examinations and members of his faculty preparing for a compulsory international conference, he should be disregard," he said.

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13 teenage Chinese prostitutes arrested in an apartment in Lagos

 

It may sound as a joke but its not funny the way strange diseases are being circulated in our dear home country from foreign countries. Nigeria has been branded a dirty name but all these if i may say were learnt from foreign countries or from people who invade our country in the name of business.

13 teenage Chinese prostitutes have been arrested and detained by the Nigerian Immigration Service following a raid of their base on Emina Crescent, off Toyin Street, Ikeja. The immigration service raided the apartment following a tip off.

More than 40 teenage girls were brought into the country and camped in an apartment for Nigerian politicians, business executives and expatriates to hire for sex at the cost of between $1,000 and $2,500. The cartel was run by Chinese couple named Sun and Yin Li.
 

Read on please..




They've been operating for a while and a source in the know said the business was booming and the couple were in the process of importing more girls before they were raided. Only 13 girls were picked from the apartment. The Chinese couple, along with some other girls, managed to escape from the apartment and are now in hiding.

NIS spokesman, Joachim Olumba confirmed the arrest and said the girls are in their custody. He also said they are on the trail of the kingpin of the sex ring. And after investigations, they will either deport the girls or hand them over to their embassy here in Nigeria for appropriate action

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The Teacher and Her Pupils

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade
them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to
look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's now a
lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's now a doctor.' A small voice at the back of
the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead now." lolz

SHARE WHAT YOU THINK THAT CAN MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE THIS PICTURE...LOL

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